Joke of The Day

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Comment by BABY PHAT on September 21, 2009 at 1:41pm

Pastor's Salary - Good Laugh


The local Pastor explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation... No one wants
him to leave. Mike Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Southland and Otago, stands up and proclaims: 'If the Pastor stays, I will provide him with a new Honda every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children'. The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.


Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur, stands and says, 'If the Pastor will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to
guarantee private secondary school education for his children!' More sighs and loud applause. Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
'If the Pastor stays, I will give him sex.' There is total silence. The Preacher, blushing, asks her: 'Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?'


Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife
replies: 'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'F**k the Pastor!!!'

Comment by Diesel on January 20, 2009 at 12:40pm

dude u r to f n funny. lol lol lol

Comment by Green Bay on January 15, 2009 at 6:56pm

Comment by Green Bay on January 7, 2009 at 11:56am

Lil Johnny
Little Johnny was at the breakfast table with his parents one day and his mother asked him why he looked so tired as he had an apparent look of sleep deprivation. He exclaimed "I haven't gotten any sleep for the past week because you and daddy are always making so much noise! Then when I walk in the room, you're there bouncing up and down on his belly! What are you guys DOING and why?!"
His mother embarrassed replied, " You see honey, daddy's really fat, so mommy has to bounce up and down on his belly each night to squeeze all the air out of him."

Johnny says, "Well that won't work mommy."

mom " Why not johnny?"

Johnny " Well because every time you leave for work in the morning the neighbor lady just comes over and blows him back up."

Comment by Green Bay on January 7, 2009 at 11:53am

Bad Bathroom Experience
Bob goes into the public rest room and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms.

As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.

Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out.

Being a kind soul, Bob says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."

The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?" Bob says, "OK."

Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?" Bob replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."

Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful.

Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points for him. Bob then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.

The guy tells Bob, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."

Bob says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"

The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it."

Comment by Green Bay on December 16, 2008 at 7:58pm

2008 CHRISTMANS JOKE

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of woman's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'


The man replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season
Begins ......

Comment by IkeDe on November 4, 2008 at 12:11pm

A crusty old biker, on a summer ride in the country walks into a tavern and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

CHEESEBURGER: $ 1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH $ 2.50
HAND-JOB $ 100.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving drinks to a meager looking group of farmers.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you? "

"I was wondering," whispers the old biker, "are you the young lady who gives the hand-jobs?

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

The old biker replies, "well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger!"

Comment by Beast on October 2, 2008 at 9:06am

One summer a walrus was traveling back home after a long vacation but along the way his car broke down. So he had his car towed to a local garage. So when he finally got to the garage the mechanic said it'll take a while to figure out what the problems was with the car. Since it was so hot the mechanic suggested to the walrus that he go accross the street and get a ice cream cone to help cool off. The walrus thought that would be great. So the walrus walks accross the street and got a tripple scoop cone all vanilla and he decides to go back to the garage and enjoy his ice cream but as he crossed the street it was so hot out the ice cream started melting real fast so he had eat the ice cream real fast. He ate the ice cream so fast that he had vanilla ice cream all around his mouth. The walrus finally got to the garage and asked the mechanic, "So what does it look like?" The mechanic replied, "Looks like you blew a seal!"

Comment by BIG ROB on October 2, 2008 at 7:53am

BEAST YOU STUPID

Comment by Beast on October 2, 2008 at 12:59am

A rabbit was in the woods taking a dump and along came a big ol' bear that proceeded to take a dump beside the rabbit. The bear looked over at the rabbit and asked, "Do you have a problem with sh#$ sticking to your fur?" So the rabbit replied, "No, I don't have a problem with sh#$ sticking to my fur." So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

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